momma’s leaving to mexico tonight. Even though she knows we don’t want her to go. she’s going to supposedly be with my aunt and uncle because of what’s been happening over there. But i know the truth, she’s going mainly to get away from my dad.
Oh well. nothing i can do but sit here and watch myself lose my mom for god knows how long.
i’ve just been ignoring everything. avoiding the pain. But today it hit me. it’s been one week since my cousin in mexico, was kidnapped. I went to his facebook page earlier and i got emotional as fuck. i’m not close to him like my brother is. But it still hurts. He taught me a few things. like how to tie a rope. ride a horse, drive stick, even whistle. they were little things, but it was still meaningful because he took time, went out of his way, just to teach me some things. crying as i’m writing this, sucks. i’m trying to keep a positive attitude for my parents and brother who have been so off this whole week. but i’m breaking right now. All i can do is pray and leave it in gods hands. i’m praying god returns you home safe cousin. I miss you….
I feel like i let my entire class down. and let my mom down. Not being able to graduate on time with everyone else is probably the worst feeling i have ever had. But i swear on everything i have, that i won’t let this define who i am as a person. I’m gonna become a better person and citizen because of this. Nothing can stop me now…
Just doesn’t seem to be my day… :/
and it sucks. :(
I was like this inside ——-> :( But on the outside, I was ——-> :)
Idk how else to tell her things…I’ve said what I can, without crossing the line. Respecting her and her life. My brain says “leave her alone. She’s taken” but my heart says “if you really care about her and want to make her the happiest girl alive, fight for her.” Idk how she can be all I think about, even though she’s not mine.. I’ve never been one to be “the other guy” on the side. But honestly, I do not know what to do anymore..fight for her? Step aside?…I HATE this feeling. :(
why is it
- that my mind is telling me to forget it, but my heart is telling me to keep fighting for her?... : (